I ate cookies yesterday. Not just one… I ate a lot of cookies. I said, when I bought them, cookies make everything better. I needed to feel better so I made and ate cookies.
See, my 17-year-old daughter was in a car accident yesterday. Physically she is fine. She is sore and has a hurt knee. She did everything right. She looked both ways, she didn’t see anything then she turned left. That is when the car t-boned her right in the driver’s side. Witnesses said the car spun around twice and ended on the other side of the road. Right where she sits. By the grace of God and the invention of side airbags, she was OK. Mentally she is struggling. She is playing that game that we all play when something like this happens. What did I do, what could I have done differently, how could I have hurt another family? It was raining, she had just taken the SAT for 5 hours and she has no idea what was going on in the other car. But she is still scared.
As a parent I don’t think I have ever felt so helpless. My husband got her call and rushed out. We live in a small town on the main road. I saw two police cars go by and felt sick. I saw the fire truck go by and felt even worse. Then the ambulance… that is when her little sister looked at me with tears and said, “Are you scared Mommy?” Yes sweetie… I am very scared. We cried together.
It is so hard to practice “what is” in these situations. There are a lot of stories we tell ourselves. The “what ifs” that scare the shit out of us. But the true is that we are all safe here, we are all ok. We will get through this and it will be fine.
But I still ate cookies. I went to the store to get her some Epson salt. I saw the cookie dough and said, “Cookies will make it all better.” I came home and made the cookies and I ate a lot of cookies. You know what, for those moments the cookies did make it all better.